i feel like i've been adrift. feeling really old, irrelevant, out-dated. loosing my mojo--maybe i never had much in the first place. am i past my expiration date like christmas cake and it's the 26th. i've put myself out in front of a band. i'm the one the audience interfaces with initially. i gotta get the party started--that's my job. i have doubts. it's easier for beautiful people. it's a cruel reality of nature. magnetism. in my normal offstage day to day life i'm mainly invisible (which i kinda like). i irritain people. I bug them, pester them into having fun. that's my shtick i guess. At least that's the character i've created. However, today i'm feeling ready to create a new character: Ziggy Starbucks and the Slippers from Macys.
i kinda blew my voice out on night 1 of the 17 day tour. brilliant. night 2 in SLC was kinda ruff for me vocally. I felt bad for my bandmates having to hear that shit. The day after they intervened with hot tea. They told me to hydrate, rest and keep my mouth shut. i think this is an elaborate ruse to get the front guy to just shut up in the van. "Save your voice kid". I've been a sideman for about 30 years. W'e're always talking about what a pain in the ass the front guy is. i'm really aware of this division of labor. you feel it. it's them and me. i'm a necessary cog in the wheel. The wheel keeps on spinning around and somehow we stay precariously on a path. not sure if it's the right path though. not sure what the fuck i'm doing out here traveling across the wheat fields, windfarms and religious and/or triple X superstore billboards of kansas.
I can be a pro at keeping my mouth shut. By way of example, my dad taught me well. If I were a superhero, my super power would be keeping my mouth shut. In fact, I wrote a whole song about this special gift I have been given.
In an exponential way
I get more expert every day that I'm alive, that I'm alive
when all I gotta do
is keep it chambered up inside
and shut my mouth
for a little while
and learn to smile
enjoy.
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